I Was Never Much Good With Responsiblity
by Don't Forget Elvendork
Summary: Why did Sirius suspect Remus? Why did he not suspect Peter? How have his experiences made him hesitant of responsibility? Harry's birth to James and Lily's death, from Sirius Black's point of view. Canon to the best of my ability. Lots of angst.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: This is my attempt at examining the actions and motivations of Sirius Black in regards to James, Lily, and Harry. I've always wondered why he thought Remus was the spy rather than Peter and what he felt about being a godfather. I love, love, love, loyal, rebellious, dramatic, clever, impulsive, canon Sirius and this fic is basically just an excuse to portray him the way I love him. I've started off with a very short prequel of sorts.**

"A baby. You and James actually have a baby." James had left to grab a coffee and Sirius walked around the room distractedly.

"Yup." Lily Potter, lying in St. Mungo's in a hospital gown, looked very composed for someone who had just been in labor. She almost smirked.

Sirius rolled his eyes dramatically, "You guys have a baby. How did this happen? I'm not ready to be a parent! I'm not ready for this responsibility!"

"Ummm, Sirius, sorry to disappoint, but you're not _actually_a parent."

"Pffft, who are you kidding? A new little Prongsie. He'll be all of ours."

"Right." Lily genuinely smiled this time. "And that's why you're going to be godfather. Here, hold him."

When James came back in the room, Lily had fallen asleep and Sirius was standing very still, holding the newborn Harry Potter carefully, almost gingerly. And if James had been able to look inside his friend's mind at that moment, he would have seen Sirius vowing to be the best possible godfather his best mate's kid could ever have.

**A/N: My conscience feels obliged to tell you that the Sirius-going-I'm-not-ready-to-be-a-parent idea came from a text post that I originally saw on pinterest and can't find back. If it's yours, tell me and I'll credit you or remove it. Just please don't sue me!**

**Next chapters will be longer! Please review/follow and I'll love you forever.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Here's another chapter! I know it's short, almost a drabble, but this is more about the feelings and motivations of canon characters than a whole new story with unfamiliar characters and events. Yes, I am trying to make this adhere to canon as much as humanly possible, but I do have a fairly likeable Peter because, the way I see it, we all have light and dark inside us and it's our choices that make us who we really are and Peter hasn't made all his choices yet, and, besides, there has to be some reason for Sirius to be friends with him. Updates should come much quicker now, I've plotted out the whole story and I think I've gotten them psychologically all figured out now. ;)**

"That was brilliant, Pete!" Sirius' sides shaked with laughing. "I can't believe Nott's scared of rats. One step closer and he would have seen me and our wands. You're the best spy we've ever had, mate!"

"It was pure luck," Peter admitted. "He was coming too close and I panicked. Lucky for you though that I did. I doubt Nott would have run away from you."

"Hey, I'd frighten him out of his wits! A biiiig, scaaaaary Grim, an omen of his _death_."

"He'd be suspicious." said Peter practically. "You're too large and unfamiliar to just happen to make it through the wards around his house. Besides, we _are _an omen of his death."

"Right. After tonight, we finally have enough information for the Order to go after Nott. Thanks to you."

"It was nothing." Peter nearly blushed and Sirius felt a surge of affection for his friend. Peter had been so hesitant to go with him to spy on a secret death eater meeting, so afraid of losing his nerve and ruining the mission. That insecurity had been the reason, he knew, that Peter wasn't as involved with the Order of the Phoenix as he, James, and Remus were. Peter preferred to stay in the shadows and help out in ways that he couldn't muck up. This was the first active mission he had carried out in months.

Of course, Peter had done magnificently. Sirius' friends always did.

But even if Peter had made a total mess of things, Sirius would always be there for him. If he would have admitted it to himself, Peter's hesitance still reminded him of a little brother he had had once, a very long time ago. He had ruined and lost everything then.

He would not do it again.

**Hi! Me here. This is my first fanfic and it would mean a lot to me if you were to review. Just so you know.**


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